This summer, I lost my father. It’s the kind of loss that reshapes you—not just your days, but the way you see the world, yourself, and your place in it. In the quiet moments of this journey, grief became an uninvited but profound teacher. Here are five lessons it has taught me.
1. Grief is Not Linear
They say time heals all wounds, but grief doesn’t follow a straight path. One day, you might feel functional, even hopeful. The next, a memory or a smell can pull you into the depths of sorrow. Psychologists describe this as the “dual process model of grief,” where you oscillate between confronting your loss and seeking restoration (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). And that’s okay. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means learning to carry the weight differently.
2. Love Outlasts Loss
Even in his absence, my father’s love surrounds me. In every decision I make, every moment I share with my children, his lessons echo. As Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote, “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.” Grief reminds me that love is an enduring force, unbroken by physical separation.
3. Nature is a Comforter
In the days after my father’s passing, I found solace in nature. The warmth of the sun, the rustle of leaves, the rainbow after a storm—each felt like a gentle reminder of his presence. Studies confirm that spending time in nature can reduce stress and improve emotional resilience (National Institutes of Health, 2018). Grief connected me to the world in ways I hadn’t anticipated, offering a kind of healing that words alone couldn’t provide.
4. Gratitude and Grief Coexist
I learned that it’s possible to feel deep sorrow and profound gratitude simultaneously. I’m grateful for the years I had with my father, the lessons he taught me, and the memories that are now treasures. Brené Brown beautifully captures this duality: “Gratitude doesn’t diminish grief, but it helps you honor what you lost.” A grateful heart doesn’t erase the pain, but it reminds you of the love that made the loss so significant.
5. Vulnerability is Strength
Sharing my grief openly—with family, friends, and even in writing this blog—has been transformative. It’s taught me that vulnerability is not weakness; it’s courage. As C.S. Lewis once said, “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” In allowing myself to feel the full depth of this experience, I’ve found a connection with others who have walked similar paths. Grief has shown me the power of shared humanity.
Grief is not something to “get over” but something to learn from. It’s a reminder of love, resilience, and the beauty of human connection. While I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone, I’m grateful for the lessons it has brought me—lessons that will shape how I live, love, and remember.
If you’ve experienced loss, I hope these reflections offer you comfort or solidarity. And if you’re supporting someone who is grieving, just being present and listening can mean more than words ever will.